Conquering “Mom ADHD.” Practical Strategies for Staying Organized with Young Children.

Today I’d like to address something that I call “Mom ADHD.” To be clear, in no way do I want to discount the real effects of diagnosed (or for many, undiagnosed!) ADHD or ADD and the struggles that come with it. However, as an organizer who specializes in supporting families manage the challenges of ADD, I find there are many parallels in the daily battle to stay organized when you’re the primary caregiver of young children. Creating order, in what feels like chaos all around you, all while meeting the demands of little humans can be exhausting. It takes its toll on you and wears you out mentally and physically in ways you may not have expected. With so much on your plate at any given time, there’s no wonder that tasks feel more overwhelming and focus begins to decline.

Raising children has not been what I always dreamed it to be. As a “big-picture perspective” kind of person, I don’t think I ever considered what my day to day would look like. Don’t get me wrong - I feel blessed that I’m able to watch my baby develop every step of the way, to see her learn about the world around her, to teach her new things and spend so much time with her. This is something I know I’ll always cherish as the months turn to years. But in the grind of the hours that tick by slowly towards nap time or the days that blur together as one and the constant demands of a baby / young child that is entirely dependent on others for everything - somewhere I get lost. Somehow the “too many tabs open” and the inability to complete a single task start to pile up and eventually make it harder to stay focused, never mind organized! As a person who’s strength is organization and order in chaos, I was surprised to find myself struggling to keep it together. I thought I’d share some practical strategies that I use to stay organized and keep my head above water in this season of life.

1. SLOW DOWN

It’s so easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of demands around you. Who knew it takes so much effort to keep a human alive?? Then there’s the housework, the grocery shopping, the bills, taking care of pets - somewhere in there you need to eat, possibly shower…the list is relentless! My favorite meme to-date says “I have five minutes to myself. I didn’t know whether to eat, have coffee or shower” and there’s a woman standing in the shower, eating a banana with a coffee in hand. That about sums up life right now!

A simple way to stop the mental spinning, is to STOP. Take a moment. Stand still, better yet sit. Close your eyes. Shut your ears off to everything around you. Inhale. Exhale. Tell yourself “you’ve got this!”

The mental spiral is exasperated with physical movement. Sometimes I literally catch myself walking in circles trying to start one task or another! The world will be there waiting even after these few moments that you are giving yourself, but you will be better able to manage it. Slow down. Take a breath. Savor a moment.

2. PRIORITIZE

Now that you’ve created a little mental space for yourself, write down everything you need / want to do. Brain dump - even if it’s something to be done by someone else, but you’re carrying the weight of it. Things to be done now, later, before summer - all of it. Anything that’s been rattling around in your head in the never-ending “To-Do List of Life.” It doesn’t have to be neat or orderly - it could be written on the back of a flyer if that’s what you have on hand. As long as it’s legible to you, that’s what’s important. Order can come later. The goal here is to get it out of your head and relieve some of the mental load we carry around when there’s too much to be done and not enough time to do it all.

Got it all down? Great! Now let’s make it legible & organized. We’ll make three lists - one for things to be done NOW, one for things to be done LATER, one for HUBS (Or “OTHERS”). Add each item to the appropriate list. Don’t stress about the order tasks end up on each list. Now is now. Later is later, etc. As things come up, add them to the appropriate list.

If the brain dump was exhausting and time consuming, maybe the ordered lists happen another time. You’re the one in charge of your life - you get to choose what has to be done when. Be realistic with your capacity in any given moment. Learning to give yourself space for life to just be and allowing for grace when things aren’t perfect or how we imagined them to be (‘cause it rarely ever is!) is one of the best practices that we can develop. The goal is to reduce stress, not add to it. “Nature never rushes and it is always on time.”

3. DO ONE THING AT A TIME

For some of us (myself included!) this could be the hardest part. When we slow down and take tasks one at a time, they feel less overwhelming. It also allows for you to be fully present to the one thing you are doing. I read somewhere that multi-tasking forces your brain to do one task subconsciously or on auto-pilot, while you’re conscious mind is focused on the other task, so in essence, you’re not attuned to either task. A good example of this is listening to someone talking while you’re doing anything. Are you really comprehending what the person is saying or are you just letting your ears do the hearing?

Choose one thing off your NOW list and do it until it’s complete. Maybe this takes a few tries to get it done as you get interrupted or lose steam. That’s ok, just go back to it when you are able to. I try to have at least one thing that I want to accomplish each day. The old me would have scoffed at such low expectations, but the “mom of many hats” me, is learning to be gentler with myself and not add undue stress to an already challenging season. Some days you’re Superwoman! and knock off several things on the list, maybe even take a peek at the LATER list. Other days, you’re “To-Do” to take a shower seems overly ambitious. Every day looks different and its ok to run somedays, walk others and lay down when you need to. Taking the stress off of chores and lowering my expectations has allowed space for me to actually be present with my daughter and helped me understand what truly is a priority and what can stand to hang out another day.

4. CREATE SYSTEMS

This is a big one. When things get busy, we go to our programmed responses. If we’ve previously decided where our belongings live, they’re more likely to find their way back there when life happens. Creating systems removes the guess-work out of what to do with your stuff and more importantly reduces the time it takes to bring order to your space. If everything has a home, then you know where it all goes. Clean up is a breeze and finding things doesn’t add more stress to your days. When we know where to look for something, it brings a sense of ease and flow to our life. Ever been running late and you go to leave only to discover your keys are not where they normally are? There’s a special kind of stress that gets triggered within us when that happens - and it isn’t pretty!

One of the few things we do have control of is our home environment. We get to decide how we organize it and even what stays or goes. The less stuff we have, the less we have to manage. Clutter is typically things that don’t have a home or are in transit OUT of your home! Clutter creates chaos. Tame the clutter - Rehome, Downsize, Reorder - and bring harmony to your home. Systems do that for us. Take the time to create systems and revise them when they’re not working for you.

5. DELEGATE!

Here’s another challenging one for us control freaks - hand off tasks to others. There’s only so much time in the day as the saying goes - and we all have only so much mental and physical capacity. It’s ok to ask for help when we feel buried or if a particular task has too many steps to complete. It could be as simple as asking for a visitor to drop off a return that you had packaged and ready to go, but never had time to physically bring it anywhere. Remember that “Other” list we made?? Don’t be shy about taking things off your plate to free up space in your life. Focus on your strengthens and manage (delegate) your weaknesses.

Asking for help is not something I have ever been comfortable doing. It’s been a long personal battle of mine to not only be able to ask for help, but then allow the person to help. This could mean watching them perform a task not they way I would do it. CRINGE. When this comes up, I always remind myself of how great it feels when I’m able to help others - especially the one’s I love. It feels so good to be a blessing to them. My friends and family WANT to bless me, I just never allowed them to. So as much as I hate asking for help, I remind myself that I am also allowing my friends to be friends. It helps me and it fills them. It has actually strengthened my relationships having this reciprocality and level of trust. It doesn’t make me less than or needy - It makes me human. And us humans do better together. So let go of the control (it’s an illusion anyway!) and see how your loved ones are willing to support you during this season. I guarantee there’s someone in your life who wants to help, but is not sure how. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and let them love you.

By utilizing these simple tricks, you can reduce your stress and increase your bandwidth to focus and handle life as it comes. If your systems aren’t working for you, maybe its time for you to call in the cavalry. Make the investment and see how much a little order in your environment can greatly impact not just your productivity and peace of mind but the daily flow for the whole family.

Be kind. Stay Organized. Thanks for reading!